The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall whose paths Croissant Part sei

Jeni and Hannah sighed with relief after completing their respective meals.  Pierre sat sipping coffee reading a newspaper.

“Now he understands coffee” Jeni muttered rubbing her stomach.

“I didn’t realize how amazing bread and cheese was until we arrived here.” Hannah said.

“Right?  We’re eating all the food. I demand it.  I have a list. We should get madeleines or macaroons for dessert.” Jeni wiped her mouth with a cloth napkin spacing out.

Pierre raised an eyebrow certainly silently judging the two women for their gluttony, or perhaps also craving a dessert.

“Can we take a nap now?” Hannah asked yawning.

Jeni frowned. “Let’s go for a walk.  It will be dark soon and I want to get a feel for this city”

Hannah looked suspiciously at Jeni.  “You, want to walk?”

Jeni pulled out a map and pointed to their location.  There was a tiny star over the building Mr. Sangril had his fashion house in.  She pointed at the district they were in Marche Saint Pierre near  Montmartre.  “It looks like that pretty church the Basilique du Sacre Coeur is like two blocks away.  I need to stretch a little, and we can walk right over and check it out.  Apparently the best time to see it is early evening.”

“I think that sounds awesome, but before we go, I just want to make things very clear, you want to go to a church?  Willingly?  Like didn’t lightening strike you the last time you entered one?”

“No, I was mildly electrocuted by a deranged raccoon that had eaten through wiring, if that nutty monk hadn’t been feeding the raccoon however I doubt this would have ever come up. “ Jeni was looking intently at the map and drew a dot over the church. She looked up and nodded. Then she folded up the map and put it in a book and shoved both in her bag.  She smiled like a maniac at Hannah.

“What are you up to?” Hannah asked feeling more and more suspicious.  

“We need to go see a man about a horse” Jeni made a silly face.  Hannah silently started to pray that this case wouldn’t take too long to complete.

Jeni and Hannah stood at the base of a large hill.  Jeni looked puzzled up a long set of stairs.  Pierre rolled his eyes at the two women muttering things in French.

“Um, how many stairs are there?” Hannah asked.

Jeni pulled out her book and looked intently at a page.  She frowned. “270.  That doesn’t seem like a lot, right?  I mean an average stairwell has like 12 steps so that would be twenty two flights.”

“You had to look that up didn’t you”

“Ye of little faith”

“No, I’ve seen your accounts ledger, math is not your strong suit.” Hannah was mentally checking Jeni’s math.

“Come on it won’t take too long!” Jeni sounded way more enthusiastic than Hannah felt.  

The two climbed stair after stair.  After about ten flights Jeni stopped.

“Oh my god this is madness, it’s like exercise or something” she was panting and sweating buckets.

Hannah glared at her. “Let’s go on a little walk, the sun is going to set soon.  I should have been suspicious, the timing was just wrong.”

“Leave me to die” Jeni gasped between gasps. Pierre stoically stood waiting. “Dude!” Gasp. “What” gasp “the” gasp “hell” gasp.

“We need to work on our cardio” Hannah wasn’t panting any more.

“I’m sorry did you just suggest you wanted to kill me Miss Voodoo Donut Queen?” Jeni gasped then started coughing.

“You sound like a terminal lung cancer patient” Hannah laughed.

“Omg, they should warn people about this nonsense” Jeni gasped.

“Um, hello, you are a psychic” Hannah sassed.

“Shut your pretty face.” Jeni sighed.  Begrudgingly they started climbing stairs again.  Once at the top Jeni leaned against the rail and breathed heavily. “My thighs are on fire.  Thunder and lightening were not meant for active duty,  they like to snuggle way to much.”

“I’ve asked you to do Jillian MIchaels with me at least 45 times” Hannah gasped. “We could have thigh gaps by now”

Jeni gasped dramatically “No! Not only is that too much effort, but I don’t trust people whose thighs don’t touch. Seems like they have a secret”

“Yes it’s called exercise.” Hannah gasped.

“Probably, but I like bread cheese and wine way to much to take that crap seriously.” Jeni looked at Pierre who looked as though the exertion was overly ridicules for the women.  “Stop sassing me Pete!” Jeni’s voice rose “I’m allowed to pant, I usually don’t wander into nature”

Hannah rolled her eyes. “NAture really? It’s stairwell, besides aren’t you the fool who wandered the streets for days chasing after a werecat?”

“Yea, but there were coffee stops, and I had lots of excuses to stop.”

“Why did you want to come here again?”

“Did you know this is the highest point in Paris? Can’t see the Eiffel but it’s up high. We should do the tour”

“Why?”

“What better way to start our immersion than to go on a tour of things”

“How exactly are you paying for all this” Hannah was suddenly suspicious.

“NOw you ask?  Just keep all your receipts and look like we’re doing something important.”

After touring the Sacre Coeur Hannah was standing outside taking photos of the setting sun over Paris. Jeni rummaged through her bag, while Pierre looked on bored at this whole process,  Jeni had a handful of brochures and kept putting them in various parts of her book. Suddenly she looked up,

“Oh look it's Joan”

Hannah stopped taking photos and looked at Jeni. “You can't call Joan of Arc Joan like you are friends.”

“I bet we would have been.”

“Um, I’m not saying I’m hungry again or anything, but I could eat” Hannah said rubbing her stomach.

Jeni suddenly started to dive headfirst into her bag.  She wildly dug through it.  She muttered under her breath cursing the existence of too big purses. In her wild gesticulating she bumped into a man.

“Pardon” she said without looking up.  Suddenly she bumped so violently into him he fell against the horse's leg on the statue of Joan of Arc. The man hit his head against the leg.  He looked dazed. Jeni looked up horrified.  “Oh MY GOD I’m so sorry! I can’t even!”

The man smiled at Jeni then started talking in rapid French.  Without missing a beat Jeni said something flirtatious and he laughed. Then before Hannah could comprehend what was happening they were walking and Jeni was gesturing for Hannah to follow.  Pierre eyed the man suspiciously.  Jeni laughed and linked her arm with the stranger and they walked heads together giggling in their own world.  Hannah shook her head Pierre suddenly unleashed a wave of French at Hannah. Hannah shook her head indicating that she didn't understand.  

Suddenly they were standing outside a building light up with a giant windmill.  Jeni leaned back winking at Hannah and Pierre. The man held the door open inviting them all inside.  They next thing that they knew they were seated at a table for four inside the Moulin Rouge.  The man left to do something and Hannah leaned across the table.

“Dude? Really? Man about a horse?”

Jeni smiled.  “Did you know that the movie Moulin Rouge had a lot of aspects that are similar to the real Moulin Rouge?”

“Give me your book. I want to see what else you’ve seen.” Hannah said holding her hand out.

Jeni rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, be spontaneous, besides, we could have never afforded this show on our own”

“Book now.” Begrudgingly Jeni pulled a black note book out and handed it over.  Hannah flipped through the pages.  “Is this a fake book? It’s blank.  I know you better, you always write down your visions.”

“Freeballing” Jeni said dancing to the music.

“No that’s not true.  The book at the cafe it had words”

“Have a little faith in me, you know I won’t screw you over, shut up the guys coming back” Jeni whispered.

“You don’t know his name?” Hannah whispered furiously.

“It didn’t seem important, it was more important to get in here” Jeni said lighting up. “Wine! How thoughtful!”

The man passed glasses to each of them.  He then launched into a long conversation in French. After a few moments Jeni’s eyes gazed over. He and Pierre started talking joyously together.  Jeni leaned over to Hannah.  

“Good he’s distracted, if you look to your left” Jeni indicated to Hannah’s left with her eyes and a slight head tilt. “You’ll see our employer, Mr. Sangria with a very pretty woman”

“What?” Hannah turned her head while exclaiming loudly.  “How did you know?”

“Psychic”

Dinner passed Jeni had no intention of keeping an eye on Mr Sangril, instead she and Hannah enjoyed each of the courses of food and were enraptured by the gyrations of the beautiful dancers. Jeni partook in copious amounts of wine and champagne. Prior to the end of the show Pierre stood up said something and departed.  Jeni captivated by the show didn’t notice.

“Jeni, Pierre just left” Hannah whispered.

“OK” Jeni whispered back.

“Um what do we do?”

“Relax!”

“Do you even know where we are staying tonight?”

Jeni glared.

The show ended and Jeni stood.  Her new friend kissed her cheeks and took her arm leading her out of the theater.  In the lobby she spotted Mr. Sangril.  He came over immediately.  He and Jeni’s friend chatted then the man left kissing Jeni on each cheek and pressing a card in her hand.  

“You just met this man?” Mr Sangril asked.

“Well technically I accidentally assaulted him.” She said. Hannah nudged her. “Part of my process is finding the rhythm or culture of my location.  As I explained to my partner here, the inner connectedness of history, the convergence of all time it's vital to my process.”

Mr Sangril nodded his pretty companion joined and looked annoyed. Of course Jeni would have been annoyed too if she was as hungry as this skinny girl obviously was.

“My beautiful fiancé” Mr Sangril said. “Helena”

Jeni shook the woman’s hand then paused holding on.  She smiled a weird smile.  Hannah felt uncomfortable.  Jeni was getting a reading.  She tilted her head and made a face. Jeni released her hand and turned to Mr.Sangril.  “Her?”

Mr Sangril leaned forward “I’m sorry?”

Jeni covered. “No I’m sorry we are so tired, it’s been wonderful to see you, we will check in tomorrow” Jen shook his hand, once again she paused made a face and then pulled away.  She tucked her hand under her arm. “Anyhow, Pierre’s waiting” She used her other hand to drag Hannah out of the lobby to the outside.  

Outside Pierre waited with the car.   Jeni pushed Hannah in still keeping her arm tucked into the car.  Hannah turned in time to see Jeni slide in.  She looked annoyed, maybe pensive, but not happy.

“What just happened?”

“Dude, he might actually be cursed.”

The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall Who's Paths Croissant Part Cinque

The man sipped his coffee and nodded to Jeni. “I see you arrived, was it a good flight?”

Jeni flopped into an overstuffed arm chair. She crossed her legs and looked around.  “Let’s not waste time with formalities Mr. Sangril.  Tell me your story.  Hannah sit.” Jeni said pointing to the other empty chair.  

The man had a slight tremor in his hand holding his coffee.  He nodded and sipped his coffee. “I haven’t slept in days.” He started.  Jeni’s eyes narrowed.  “Every time I do I think about all the stories my father and grandfather told me” he paused sipping more coffee.

“Take a deep breathe, just tell us how all this started” Hannah said.

He looked Hannah over.  His eyes cleared and he smiled slightly at her. “It's a long story from the beginning, you have the most beautiful legs”

“Hellooo!” Jeni said eyebrow raised disapprovingly.  “How about we just start with when your particular problem started”

He sat behind his desk.  “You see. It’s rather odd, my family.  We’ve looked into options before, but they’ve all been charlatans, liars and thieves, you have such a high success rate.”

Jeni tilted her head, quickly losing interest.  She was used to being compared to the charlatans that used their gifts to make a quick buck and move on.  Hannah watched her friend.  Fairly certain she was thinking she wished she hadn’t shared that croissant. Hannah’s stomach rumbled.  Her part of the croissant certainly wasn’t filling.  

“I understand that you’ve solved nearly unsolvable cases, your psychic abilities must be real” He said almost pleadingly. Jeni turned and smiled at Hannah victoriously, with an ‘I told you so’ glance. Sangril frowned at Jeni. “I’ve also been warned your methods are.....controversial at best”

Jeni leaned back.  Her fingertips touching in a contemplative look.  “Sir, I believe in the interconnectedness of all things in life.  You have to understand, especially here where history is overlaid, often psychic interferences can take me on what seems like a non connected tangent, however, cosmically it's most likely important and can help me solve even the most stubborn of cases.  For instance, the girl downstairs, she’s been starving herself, in the hopes you see her as a model.  But she will never be a model because while she’s pretty, you don’t see that she has that thing that makes people stop in their steps.  She will always be just a pretty assistant.”

He gave her an odd look. “Yes, that is correct”

“Now that we have all that cleared up, what’s the scoop” Jeni said lowering her hands to her knees in what looked vaguely like a yoga position.  Hannah rolled her eyes, she remembered the one yoga class she had drug Jeni to where Jeni sweated like a prostitute in a place of religious significance and swore up and down that her boobs were literally growing just for the purpose of strangling her in downward dog.

He took a deep breath and then sat behind his desk drinking slowly. “Recently I met a woman. The most amazing woman, beautiful, intelligent, and strong.  But the closer we get to our wedding date the more things are going wrong.  For instance, just this morning as we were preparing to leave the tire blew out in the driver's car.  Last night as I left her at her flat a strange man bumped into me on the street he smelled of garlic and cloves.” Jeni made a face.  Hannah’s stomach growled.  “He was so odd, it was like he was out of the right time.”

Jeni nodded.  “So basically you are cursed” she said emotionlessly.

He looked at her. “Yes” he whispered.

“I’m betting it’s a centuries old kind of thing too right?” Jeni said.

“Yes” He said again.  

“Alright.  Well we’ll get to the bottom of this.” Jeni stood.  

Mr. Sangril looked surprised. “But I haven’t told you everything yet”

“I know enough to get started.  Now, take us to food.” Jeni looked like she was done with all nonsense and that the hanger was real.

“Yes, well your driver, Pierre” He started

Jeni stomped over, “Yo! Pete, prendre la cuisine!” Pierre looked annoyed at Jeni.  Jeni looked annoyed at Pierre.

Mr Sangril gave Pierre some instructions in French and Pierre nodded.

“OH by the way, I assume you got my email with all the things I will require during this investigation”

“Ah, yes your rider, all those things will be taken care of.” He said. “Your fitting will be at 4 pm”

“Good, good. Come Hannah, I want something with cheese” Jeni nodded to Pierre who rolled his eyes. “Pete prendre au fromage!”

Pierre opened the door and Jeni strutted out wobbling on her heels.  They walked to the car and as soon as Jeni was inside she whipped the heels off shoving them in her Mary Poppins style magical bag and put on a pair of flip flops.

“What that hell dude, what is he talking about ‘fitting’?” Hannah said.

“Hold on,” Jeni leaned over the front seat and started to speak in broken French about the importance of really good cheese and wine to Pierre who stoically ignored her.  “Good talk Pete” she sat back.  “Any how, we’re going to be under cover models.  We need to infiltrate every aspect of this guys life.”

“Why so we can first hand be one of the casualties of his curse?” Hannah said irritated thinking Pierre had better have a good cheesery in mind.

“Dude, curses aren't real” Jeni said.

“Neither are psychics” Hannah retorted.

The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall Whose Paths Croissant Quatro

The car stopped. “Curse?” Hannah said.

Jeni threw the door to the car open before the driver had even put the car in park.  She flew out of seat with the speed of a cheetah and she ran past bystanders like she was running from an assailant.  She disappeared into a cafe.  

The driver got out and started shaking his fist at her retreating figure while yelling something in French.  He opened Hannah’s door with a scowl and said something.  Hannah looked apologetic and started in the same direction as Jeni. The driver gestured across the street to a different building.  Hannah looked uncomfortable

“No no, she’s the psychic one, I have no idea what’s going on” Hannah explained knowing her efforts were completely futile.

The driver slammed the door to the car shut and stalked after Jeni who suddenly reemerged from the cafe with a cup of coffee and a croissant.  She nodded at the driver and sipped her coffee.  He walked up to her and started to converse loudly in French.  Jeni nodded took a bite of her croissant and then sipped her coffee. He started to point across the street.  She shook her head and sat at a little table.

“Are you trying to determine if he has a licence to kill us?” Hannah said coming up.

The driver gesticulated more wildly toward the building across the street. He was getting really red in the face.  

“Shush, the coffee is still magical until I can drink it without it burning my mouth. Eat some croissant” Jeni said offering up the croissant.

Hannah sighed gave the driver an apologetic look again and sat down while taking a bite of the croissant.  At this point the driver looked like he might have a massive coronary the color of red was so extraordinary.

“He’s going to die young” Hannah said.

“That’s what happens when you deprive people of coffee” Jeni muttered.  Then suddenly she took a big gulp of her coffee.  The look on her face indicated it was still hotter than she could really tolerate but wasn’t going back.

“Oh my god this croissant is amazing”

“That’s because we haven’t eaten in 17 hours.  I’m fat, I should not be deprived of real food for 17 hours.” Jeni said taking another large drink completely drowning out the driver who looked like he was about to explode.  She was having some sort of private holy moment with her coffee.

Finally giving up the driver yelled one last thing and sat down in a huff with his arms across his chest. Hannah inspected and ate at the croissant.

“So you said something about a curse” Hannah said.

Jeni shook her head still having her moment of enlightenment.

People passed on the streets with lively conversations.  From inside the cafe music played softly.  A waiter came to the table but the driver shooed him away.  Jeni raised an eyebrow at him then glared.  Finally, she finished her coffee and set the cup down sadly.

The driver stood immediately.  Jeni gave him the death glare. He started to get red in the face as they stared at each other.  Hannah uncomfortable stood up.

“Stop antagonizing him before he finds a reason to sell us into the sex trade” Hannah said.

“Eh, they want young hot things, you would do well, they would return me” Jeni said slowly standing and stretching. She made a production out of returning her cup to the cafe.  When she emerged she smiled at Hannah.  She had reapplied her lipstick and replaced her thick glasses with heavy winged eyeliner.

“Oh my god.” Hannah said.  

Jeni’s smile widened.  “OH I forgot to mention, our cover is that we are models.  Fit and Tall.  So collect yourself and strut your ass off as we walk in there.”

“Wait what do you mean fit and tall?”

Jeni put on a huge pair of sunglasses and started strutting across the street the driver wildly trying to keep cars from hitting her Hannah followed noting that Jeni in heels was a terrifying prospect and that she hoped to god this wasn’t going to happen every day in Paris.

Jeni waited outside the door of the building across the street. She waited expectantly for the driver to open the door.  He glared at her.  She lowered her glasses and glared over the top.  He opened the door and she walked in with purpose. Hannah followed, she could hear the driver muttering things under his breath.  

Once inside Jeni whipped her sunglasses off dramatically.  Hannah stood a little behind her, eyes adjusting to the dimmer room. Music pumped loudly and a skinny short woman ran up to them.

“Non! Non!” she shouted over the music.

“Oui!” Jeni shouted back.

“Non!” The woman shouted then a loud tirade accompanied her pleading no.

The driver suddenly started to talk. The woman frowned then looked skeptically at Jeni and Hannah.  The former suddenly striking what appeared to be her interpretation of a model’s pose based on what the skinny mannequins at the malls looked like. Hannah looked at her exasperated.

“Oh my god what is wrong with you” Hannah yelled.

The woman frowned again.  “You are the Americans?  No?” she asked.

“Oui!” Jeni shouted.

“Fit and Tall?”

“Oui!” Jeni shouted again.  

The woman sized Jeni and Hannah up.  “You must be Fit!” She said to Hannah.

Jeni pushed in, “How dare you assume that she’s Fit!  It’s quite obvious she’s Tall!”

“You are taller!” The woman shouted back.

“She had the name before we became models”

“Tu es mannequin?” The woman shouted.

“Did she just ask if you were a mannequin?” Hannah asked.

Jeni shook her head at Hannah while yelling, “Oui! Je suis un mannequin!”

The girl frowned again.  

Jeni frowned.  “S’il vous plait prende me a Mr. Sangril!”

The girl scowled.  Jeni suddenly struck a pose and sucked in her cheeks. A tall garishly dressed man walked through the door.

He spoke with the girl for a moment frowned then laughed.  “Oui, Oui, these are the American models!” He said.

The girl gave him a disbelieving look.  He waved Jeni and Hannah on.  Jeni waited while Hannah and the driver moved forward.  He suddenly stopped and looked at Jeni.  She was staring down the girl. Both had looks of disgust on their faces but were not willing to be the first to blink. Jeni suddenly stuck her tongue out at the girl who looked horrified.  Then Jeni strutted away.

“What is wrong with you today?” Hannah asked. “Stop starting things with every person you meet.”

“I dunno,” Jeni said.  “I dig this guy with his fancy overcoat. Maybe he and I will become besties and solve crimes together psychically” she made a face at Hannah.

Hannah laughed.

They walked up a flight of stairs to an office where a man was yelling at several people who were holding papers, swatches of fabric and other items including a cup of coffee.  He waved them off grabbing the coffee from the nervous cadre of assistants.

The driver waited by the door as the assistants ran out.  Jeni stood importantly in front of the desk. The garishly dressed man ran out with the assistants shutting the door.

The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall Who's Path Crossiant Part III

In the car Jeni immediately started to play with her cellphone.  Hannah looked out the window watching the scenery as they drove along the highway into Paris.

“I can’t believe you aren’t looking out the window at things”

“I’m googling  Mr. Sangril.”

“That sounds obscene.”

“Right?  But it sounds better than stalking”

“Why didn’t you do this before we left.”

“I was working on another case.”

“You had already finished the werecat case, what case are you talking about?”

“Oh that obnoxious detective that tried to arrest me when I was following that cat stopped by.”

“Oh? That gorgeous cop with the beautiful green eyes?”

“No, the pain in the ass guy, the one who’s so proud of himself? Any how he had a suspect who had disappeared and he wanted to know if I had any leads.”

“Did you?”

“He had something the guy owned and I could sense he was at a 7/11 getting a cherry Slurpee.”

“Please tell me you are joking.”

“Well that and we met at the coffee shop across the street and I saw the guy getting the Slurpee.”

“This whole Psychic thing is a joke isn’t it, you are just lucky.” Hannah said shaking her head.

“I picked the time and location to meet the detective. So if I’m just lucky, then I’m really lucky.”

Jeni started to scroll through a web page and her head tilted brows furrowed in concentration.

“I know that look, you are on to something.“ Hannah said not really caring if Jeni responded.

Jeni sat in silence as they drove on.  The driver was focused listening to the radio quietly. After what seemed like ages Jeni said “Hmm. Interesting.”

“What is?” 

“Well as long as google maps is correct it looks the office of our client is right across the street from a coffee shop.”

“I swear you have a one track mind.”

“I need time to collect myself and engage in the local culture.”

“More time to stalk your client”

“No, I already know enough to get started.”

“Really what did you learn?”

“Not much, the Wikipedia entry just had vague biological background.” Jeni said distracted.

“Ok, and what you learned was?” Hannah asked starting to get annoyed.

“You know I find it interesting,” Jeni said looking out the window. Hannah sighed realizing her question was not about to be answered because Jeni was already thinking about something else. Jeni continued as though she didn’t register Hannah’s sigh.  “In 1450 Paris was terrorized by a pack of man eating wolves, the winter was so cold that they were desperate and they breached the crumbling walls from the 13^th century that King Phillip Auguste built and they ate like 40 people.  Truth be known the agricultural practices of the 14^th century feudal system was the cause, with crumbling infrastructure due to the Hundred Years War left the city vulnerable to these invaders.  The true beauty of this though is the myth of the wolves.  They feared them, they created these stories, they talked about the leader of the pack, even going as far as to name her Courtaud, which implied that her tail was bobbed. But isn’t it fascinating, that this pack that terrorized this country for months was led by a female, and that they made this whole mythology around a woman.  This was just a short 20 years after the death of Joan of Arc another woman who was mythologized and vilified about.” Jeni talked in a steady stream of consciousness that drove Hannah crazy. 

“So what happened to the bob tailed she wolf?”

“The Parisians drove the pack down the Ile de la Cite to the steps of Notre Dame where they stoned the animals to death. Sounds very biblical stoning someone to death eh? Did you know that there are natural islands in the Seine?  That’s what the Ile de la Cite means, Island of the City.” Jeni had a dreamy look on her face.

“That’s great, has nothing to do with our case but interesting” Hannah rolled her eyes.

Jeni smiled.  “Oh everything has a purpose, it’s all part of the web of intrigue”

“Oh?”

“In Europe all of history converges. Modern mixes with Medieval in a tapestry, a colorful depth filled tapestry. Speaking of tapestry did you know that the Hunt of the Unicorn tapestries were created not fifty years later in Scotland?  They depict a hunt for a unicorn led my men, but the successful taming of the unicorn way by a virgin.  This was during the period of time when women were actively beginning to lose their rights and restrictions placed on work women could do.”

“Once again what does this have to do with anything.”

“Isn’t it obvious?  Mr. Sangril has a curse on him”

The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall, Whose Paths Croissant Pt 2

PARIS

Hannah and Jeni exit the plane.  Both look worse for the wear after a 17-hour flight with several layover.  Jeni really looks a mess crazy big hair eye make-up that has migrated from the eyes to all over the face.  Jeni’s wearing some awful sweatpants set that says horrifically “Ghetto booty” across her butt (even though she does not possess such junk in her trunk).  The eyeball each other and shake heads.  They then gather their luggage and walk to the nearest bathroom where they both change into “French casual wear”.

Hannah comes out of the stall and with a quick brush of her hair looks flawless in her black tights and rain coat. Jeni on the other hand comes out of a stall with a striped shirt black beret and red scarf along with a black rain coat. 

“I swear to god if you pull a baguette out of your purse I’m pretending like I don’t know you” Hannah said looking at Jeni through the mirror.

“I look very French” Jeni said taking the hat off and brushing her hair into a low bun.  When she put the beret back on her head Hannah noticed that it was way too small.

“Do you even know French?” Hannah asked.

“You ask me this now, after we’ve arrived?” Jeni asked putting on the brightest color of whore red lipstick she could find.

“I didn’t really have time to think about it.”

“Of course I know French.”

A lady walked in with a child in a stroller.  The child eyeballed Jeni.  Jeni eyeballed the kid. 

“What are you doing?” Hannah asked.

“That kid is eyeballing me” Jeni said making a face at the child.

“Probably because even a kid can see how ridicules you look.”

“Dude, this baby is seriously getting on my nerves.” Jeni said trying to put on mascara.  “Look at him, he’s trying to get in my head”

“Are you really getting in a beef with a BABY at the airport.”

“He’s like the kid from the Omen.  He knows the secrets of the universe.”

“Supposedly so do you”

“He’s plotting something”

“You’re a psychic can’t you see what he’s plotting”

“I can’t psychically see through that much evil.   I’m pretty sure he’s the devil.” Jeni was now facing the child tilting her head at him.  He blew a spit bubble at her.   “See that, Damien.   I can tell these things.  His name is Damian.”

“Stop calling that child the devil incarnate. His mom’s gonna come out here and kick your ass”

“Did you see that poor woman, she knows what’s up. He’s evil”

“I thought you liked kids” Hannah asked trying to gather up her things.

“I do like normal kids, not conduits for evil” Jeni said shoving her things in her bag.

“You need coffee.”

“Oh my god I do need coffee. Hopefully they don’t just have those little shots they like to call coffee around here.”

They exited the bathroom and were walking when Hannah noticed a man with a sign. The sign read  “Psychic Honeydew Brie”

“Well that looks like it belongs to you” Hannah said laughing.

“Oh good lets try some French on him” Jeni walked up and said. “Bon juror.  Comment va?”

The man looked at her skeptically. “Honeydew Brie?”

“Oui?” Jeni said with an odd look.

He sighed.  “Come with me” He said in a strong accent.

“Oui” Jeni said again.

They followed him to a parked car.  Jeni was tapping furiously at her phone. “

Pouvons-nous arrêter pour le café s'il vous plaît ?” she asked.

The man looked at her and she smiled a big smile.  He replied irritated “

Il n'y a pas de temps , vous avez besoin de rencontrer M. Sangril”

Jeni nodded.  “What did he say?” Hannah whispered.

The man put the luggage in the trunk. “No idea” Jeni whispered back.  But I’m betting we aren’t getting our snack of honeydew and brie for the ride.”

Jeni turned and saw the child from the bathroom with his parents.  Both parents looked haggard.  The father was gesticulating wildly. 

“I swear he has it out for me!” He said exasperated. “That woman from the bathroom is right, he’s the devil”

The mother rolled her eyes and squatted down to talk to the baby. “Don’t listen to daddy Damien, he’s just tired.”

Jeni hit Hannah on the arm and made an I told you face. “Evil” Jeni mouthed eyes wide and nodding.

“Crazy” Hannah replied. 

The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall, Whose Paths Croissant

PORTLAND

A tall statuesque woman walked down the street carrying a bright pink box of donuts and a cup of coffee.  Clamped between her teeth was a garishly bright donut covered with a thick layer of icing and a layer of fruit loops.  The woman glided expertly navigating the world in her impossibly tall heels, that coupled with her ridiculously long legs turned everyone on the streets heads in her direction.  It didn't hurt that she was also stunningly gorgeous with her short trendy hair cut, perfect figure and amazing fashion sense. She stopped outside a non descript office building.  On the window was a small sign that said "KNOCK LOUDLY CHANCES ARE I'M NOT PAYING ATTENTION". The woman balanced the coffee cup on the box while opening the door. 

Inside was a mess.  There were boxes everywhere. Music blared from the tiny speaker of a cell phone that had been shoved into a coffee mug to amplify the sound. The mug was in the center of the room. Furniture was stacked against one wall in a huge mess of items. Laying on the floor in a black robe edged with feathers was a woman who gave her best dramatic look and said.

"Sweet baby Jesus say you brought coffee.  I can't find the pot"

The first woman handed her the coffee, then she took a giant bite of her donut. From around the donut she said. "I'm so glad we decided to start the business here"

The woman on the floor looked up. "Donut guy's a hottie huh?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've had donuts every day for a month"

"Why are you on the floor?"

"I've been in contact with the spirits, deciding how the furniture placement should be"

"You dropped something and were to lazy to stand back up right away didn't you"

"No, I moved a box, I needed to rest it was quite exhausting."

The woman continued to eat her donut while opening the box to examine the contents. "What are you wearing by the way."

The woman on the floor jumped up and with a flamboyancy only she could posses she spun around and showed off the ridicules get up she was wearing. "I've just solved the case of the widow and her werecat lover.  To do so I had to go undercover in the community of Harmony Park."

"Isn't that the wealthy widow community?"

"Yes, and my part was that of a delightfully eccentric cat woman who's husband died old and left her money."

"Well the eccentric cat woman part wasn't much of a stretch"

"Hannah! How many times do I have to tell you! Cats are evil overlords they are waiting to lead us into the new age when they are the masters and we the pets."

Hannah selected a new donut. "Speaking of the werecat case, you got paid for that right?"

"Sure, the check is around here somewhere"

"When are you going to unpack?"

"Don't like forest elves come by and do that?  I mean we are in the pacific northwest wasn't your big selling point that everything here is magical."

"That is not how it works"

"I am pretty sure a leprechaun has been coming in the office at night and moving my shoes around"

"No that's me because I trip over them because there is so much crap here.  Why do you have so many shoes at the office anyway"

"Because I had a premonition that I broke my sandal in my flip flops."

"So you need fifteen pairs of shoes in case your sandal breaks"

"Well who knows what mood I'll be in when it breaks"

The cell phone in the coffee mug started to ring.  The woman swooped over and answered it with a ridicules accent. "Hellur, dis es da Psychic Detective Ahgency of the Jeni, how I can heeeeeeeeelp eweeeee?" There was a long pause.  The woman made a weird face then her face light up with glee. "One moment pleeeeease." She put the phone on mute.  "Hannah how hard would it be for you to get a couple weeks off work?"

"Probably not to bad, I can always work from home why?"

The woman put the phone back to her ear.  "Yaaaa, she's available send da tickets to da Pooortland oooooffice as soon as possible.  For two yaaa? Guuuuuuud, haff a gut day yea?" She hung up and started dancing balancing her coffee as her knees lept akimbo through the air Hannah stepped back. 

"What the hell dude?"

"Pack your bags lady we're going to FRANCE!"

"What is in France?" Hannah said skeptically.  

"My next case" she stopped dancing and turned smiling with impish delight. 

It's been a while

What's new, everything, nothing? Still up to all my shenanigans.  Less archaeology more medicine, but my work life has recently become hilarious.  You know when you have all the stress and you can choose to continue to stress or just start giggling?  Exactly.  Here's the second in my new series called "adventures in engineering hall"