七つ(nanatsu)
Hannah awoke to an empty hotel room. From the window the Eiffel tower stood regally. All the flowers in bloom around the window framed it beautifully. She searched the adjoining rooms for Jeni and found a hastily (read: serial killer-esque) note that said:
COFFEE PASTRIES COME DOWNSTAIRS, PS THEY INSIST ON YOU WEARING PANTS
-J
Hannah got dressed and found Jeni sitting at a table with a cup of coffee and a three tiered tray of pastries. Jeni saw her and nodded. Jeni was wearing a robe and a turban. Hannah cocked her head sighed and sat down.
“I thought they insisted on pants?” Hannah asked selecting a pastry from the tray.
Jeni flashed that she was wearing sequined hot pants. “Omelet's should be a french thing right?”
“Yes” Hannah said stuffing a choux in her mouth.
“Yea, well don’t order one, Frenchy McFrench gave me a lecture about ordering eggs for breakfast” Jeni said nodding toward Pierre.
“Oh good, you all are off to a good morning again.” Hannah said selecting her next edible. “I was hoping getting some sleep would help”
Jeni made a face and rustled the newspaper she was holding. Then she lifted it and started reading. The waiter came by and offered Hannah a drink, she ordered a tea and waited for Jeni to lower the paper again.
“I know your French isn’t that good, who are you faking.” Hannah asked as she ripped the corner off a croissant.
Jeni folded the paper then laid it in front of Hannah pointing at the headline. She then took out her notebook and started to write. Hannah’s eyes got big and she sighed.
“Someone tried to kill our client last night?” Hannah asked.
“Yes. Does that alarm you?” Jeni asked.
“Doesn’t it alarm you?” Hannah responded sassily taking the tea from the waiter with a slight smile.
Jeni bit the inside of her lip. “I’m not convinced it was really an attempt at him.” She said slowly. “I mean look at that picture, he’s blocking that void of a girlfriend.”
“So?”
Jeni turned to a page in her book and started to read aloud to Hannah.
Back during the turn of some century, there was a man. He wandered the woods to look for food and came across a woman who was in a clearing sitting at a loom. She sang to the beat of the pedals as she wove a colorful tapestry.
Hannah interrupted. “Seriously where do you come across this bs? I swear you make it up as you go.”
Jeni made a face “His website, shush!” She continued in her dramatic way.
He fell instantly in love, but there was a problem, she was already married to an ogre and he
“Ogre? Really” Hannah interjected
“Yea, I think they mean in the big dude way, not in the mythical critter way.” Jeni said plucking a bit of croissant off.
“Do we consider humanoid-like figures as critters?” Hannah mumbled from around her pastry.
“I don’t know, I mean, I probably wouldn’t refer to a gorilla or chimpanzee as a critter, but I definitely would a monkey.” Jeni replied with a mouthful as well. Pierre rolled his eyes with their lack of class and general American nonsense.
“I agree, I mean I feel like that's calling your uncle a critter.” Hannah took a sip of her tea.
“Although to be fair I would call a kid a critter, but are they really humanoid before puberty? I mean really kids are pretty monkey-like all hanging off of things and stuff” Jeni looked thoughtful as she shoved an inappropriately large chunk of croissant in her mouth eyeballing Pierre. They had a short stare down as she tried not to choke to death eating the pastry.
Hannah frowned. “Omg you aren't wearing anything under that robe other than your spangled hot pants are you?”
Jeni adjusted her robe. “They only said I had to have on pants. I feel like by virtue of wearing the robe technically I’m wearing a lot of clothing”
Hannah closed her eyes and took a deep breathe. “We’re going to get arrested here aren't we?”
“It’s Europe, they have naked parks.”
“I’m not bailing you out”
“Please, you act like I’m some sort of criminal. I am just testing the water.”
Pierre coughed. Jeni’s robe was slipping and he was obviously concerned that they were going to get kicked out of the restaurant if Jeni exposed herself.
Jeni rolled her eyes and adjusted the robe. “Prude” She whispered at him.
ANY HOW, this chick in the woods was married to an ogre, general consensus probably just a grumpy dude, not a humanoid like creature. The ogre kept this woman chained to her loom so that she would make beautiful tapestries, he would then sell them collecting a room full of gold.
“God this story is dull” Jeni said.
Hannah found a particularly good pastry and started to attack it.
One day the man snuck up to the woman while the ogre was in town selling her tapestries. He professed his undying love, the woman told him that he must kill the ogre. Not being willing to murder any one (Is this not a grey area? I mean really he was originally hunting) he went to the village witch. She instantly saw the merit of convincing the ogre to leave the wench in the woods and join her in a venture in a nearby village, with her magic and his entrepreneurship skills they could make a fortune. So she created a potion for the man, he had to pour it over the chains on the loom to release the wench in the woods. The man returned to the woman poured the potion on the chain and the wench was released. He took her hand and they ran away, but not before he cleaned out all of the gold from the room. Meanwhile, the village witch was plying the ogre with love potions (booze) and reason. He agreed he was tired of that wench in the woods any way. So they returned to the cabin in the woods to clear it of the gold and to tell the wench to get lost. They discovered her already gone (no big loss apparently) and then they saw the ogre had been robbed blind. So they conspired and plotted. They then cursed the young couple, by sending them a box of objects, one which holds a powerful spell that would curse any offspring who fell in love. Then as soon as they had their third child, the wench died quietly and quickly, basically she wasn’t really all that important to any one, other than the fact that men wanted to use her for her looks and talent. The man eventually married some hag from the village, who he never loved but she was good at mothering the children, one of which was a little girl who was exceptional at weaving and created beautiful cloth. As they grew up the brothers took her cloth and started a business selling dresses to the upper class. They had all that money that their father had stolen to start their business. Soon all three had married for love. That didn’t end well, one of the brothers was even murdered by a pirate in a pub. The other two became widowed young with young children. They both then married for money and power. This went on from generation to generation.
Jeni shut her book and drank some of her coffee. “See cursed” she pulled a face and shook her head.
“So, the murder attempt was expected” Hannah said still attacking her pastry.
“Well, if you follow the family history this stuff is pretty expected. I think it’s funny though, they all comment about how the first husbands, or wives are super attractive, and the seconds are all “hags and ogres”. Like seriously, maybe the problem is that they are super superficial.”
“So what’s on the agenda today.”
“Well, some of the objects given to the supposed originators of the curse are located in the Louvre. So we need to go there. Oh, by the way, I have an outfit for you to wear today.”
Hannah frowned. “I’m terrified”
Jeni shrugged, “Don’t worry, it’s all part of the plan”
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