Sundays......

My last post I talked about my favorite phone stalker.


Every Sunday said stalker calls and tells either my mother or I, "I'm ready" Not hello, not how are you, just I am ready and hangs up. She calls at 9:55 am even though she knows that she isn't supposed to call until 10 am. Those five minutes in the realm of coffee make all the difference in the world.



This Sunday started like every other, I made my coffee settled in to watch HGTV and try to cook up new projects for my parent's house not limited to: Redecorating the kitchen/ dining room, tearing out all of the kitchen/dining room and laundry room to make the perfect kitchen, putting a door between the laundry room and the dining room tearing out the pantry thus enlarging the laundry room, painting the living room, tearing up the carpet and putting down: linoleum/hardwood/tile or my fav, hardwood and tile, redoing the bathrooms, bedrooms, and finally the project I've been after for months painting the front door. Currently it is shit brown, I want it red, or cerulean. My father doesn't agree. I just get my show started when brrrrrrrng brrrrrrrrrng and up on the screen "Your favorite stalker is calling" I get up cross the room and answer the phone. "What?" I ask ever so pleasantly. As I am still only 2 sips into my morning cup
"I'm ready" Click.


It was as though these two words lit a firecracker under my mom's ass. She was out of there. Leaving me alone with my dad who was in BATCAVE mode (batcave indicates he was banished to his mancave after harassing my mother)

Then the unthinkable happened, my cell phone rang.

I say this and you have to understand, I hardly ever get phone calls on my cell. Most people who know me know I abhor talking on the phone in general, and only like conversations to last a minimum of time. So I go to my phone and who is it?
My best friend. Never mind that she knows I am at home sitting only mere feet from the house phone and that most likely my phone is not in the room but clear across the house limiting my slow uncaffeinated zombie crawl to moving faster than was warranted. I get to the phone just in time for it to go to voice mail and she does the worst thing ever.....




Leaves a message




LEAVES A MESSAGE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!! Does she not know me? After ten years does she not realize I hate the phone and hate even more checking the FREAKING VOICE MAIL!!!!!! So I do what a normal person does I call her back hoping that she will stop the message and just tell me what ever. No alas when she finally answers, she says immediately did you check your voice mail?

Ergh no. And furthermore have no intention of doing so what you want lady?

After this pleasant conversation is over maybe two minutes pass I am back in the kitchen and pouring more coffee, gonna be a long day and I hear my damn cell phone ringing again. If it's her again I'm gonna kill her I mutter.

No instead it's her husband, asking me a question to something I really don't care about.
Back to the kitchen adding cream and sugar



Cell phone. REALLY??!?!?!?!?!?!?! Are you kidding me??????

I answer less than pleasantly. Hello
Hey squirrel nutz.
Excuse me?
Squirrel nutz
Huh?
Squirrel nutz what you doing?
Who the hell is this?
What? Oh my god this isn't is this , oh geez I am so sorry wrong number. How embarrassing you see
No really I don't need an explanation, your using my minutes. Bye.
Click.


Ok I could have been a little more polite. If it was any other day I might have been. But not today.

After all those minutes cost me.

All I want is coffee on a day like today. But it doesn't look that's gonna happen. Gym here I come.