Interlude

Of all the gods, Clyde was the biggest disaster.  Many of the gods had interesting powers, fertility, love, wisdom, warriors, true gods.  Clyde however, he was just a mess.  When Poseidon, Zeus and Hades fought their father Kronos and split the world into three realms that each took over Clyde had been taking a nap and missed the whole thing.  Zeus took pity on Clyde, who often got lost on his way to help people, or helped the wrong people creating  a lot of confusion.  One day Zeus thought he had an easy task and he asked Clyde to keep an eye on Persephone while she was picking flowers in the fields of Nysa.  Demeter, Persephone’s mother, figured it was a simple enough task.  The morning Persephone went to pick flowers Clyde found a bunny injured and decided to stop to heal it.  While his head was turned Hades popped up from the underworld and kidnapped Persephone.  This did not go over well.

Clyde was banished to the earth, still with his powers to grant people’s wishes (small ones). The only problem with these powers is often he granted wishes people didn’t know they had yet. For instance a young couple dreamt of having a family and wished they could start one.  Clyde heard their dreams came to town and after a quick party with Dionysus stumbled to a nearby barn and laid his hands on a bull granting him the dream of being able to become a father.  The next morning the randy bull escaped his enclosure destroyed the young couple's home and forced himself on an unwitting cow who was just minding her own business.  In the cow world this was unacceptable, however, the cow also wanted to be a mother, so she was quite overjoyed when she had twin cows not long after.  The cow belonged to the young couple and she was blessed, there were lots of calves that she beared, making the young couple rich beyond their wildest dreams.   Unable to have their own children they adopted as many village children as they could.  Clyde who felt bad about the whole ordeal tried to make things better so he sent the youngest of the family home with a big bouquet of flowers.  Turned out the mother was allergic to this particular kind of flower and she sneezed so much she bumped into a support beam that knocked the whole house over.

Clyde wandered earth trying to be helpful. One day in Pompeii Clyde was showing kids how to juggle clouds when he got distracted and dropped one.  The cloud bounced against several shops got angry and started to shoot lightning.  Clyde chased it down and finally contained it.  He smiled proud things hadn’t gotten out of hand.  The cloud was not happy at all.  Pissed that this god thought he could contain it, the cloud exploded in anger.  Clyde was worried so he ran up to the top of Vesuvius to get away from the humans that he loved dearly.  At the top there was a hole it looked safe enough to drop the cloud into to let it burn out it’s temper tantrum.  Proud of himself Clyde decided to go visit Medusa in a nearby town.  Well as soon as the cloud realized the plan it got angrier and had it’s friends join in to a tantrum.  Things got so out of hand they woke up the god Vulcan who slept in Vesuvius.  He was rather grumpy because he never got his morning cup of coffee so he started yelling at the clouds to calm down.   However, as anyone with kids knows, the worst thing you can do is try to negotiate with tiny terrorists, you only get angrier as they get more upset.  It’s a domino effect.  The best thing you can do is drink your coffee, take a deep breath and whisper.  Vulcan however, did not react like this.  Instead he stomped his feet and yelled.  Finally, he exploded in a rage.  When Clyde returned to Pompeii the town was missing.  He assumed he had merely gotten lost and went to find a really good pub.

At some point the other gods got really tired of humanities nonsense.  (I think this happened when people started looking into alternative religions)  So they decided they would take a backseat to the humans and leave them to their own devices.  Clyde however, continued to wander and help where he could.

One day he came across a nice man, van Gogh I think, any how, they became fast friends and started to drink together at pubs.  Clyde would tell him about his days at Mount Olympus and van Gogh would tell him about art.  The two colluded and plotted.  Van Gogh often talked about some girl he liked and how he wished he had the courage to tell her.  So Clyde smiled and gave Van Gogh the courage to tell the girl.  The next day Clyde saw that Van Gogh had a bandaged ear, when he asked about it he found out that Van Gogh had chopped his ear off and sent it to the girl.  This was not what Clyde had planned sad he decided it was in Van Gogh’s best interest not to hang around any more.  So he moved on.

Finally, Clyde settled on living in a modest home with goats.  They made the finest of goat cheese.  Occasionally, he meddled with the townspeople but generally he tried to just keep his goats in good health and make good cheese.  Over time he also started to make wine.  No one really knew he was a god, all they knew was that he had the best wine and goat cheese.  However, it didn’t take long for them to realize they shouldn’t invite him to any celebrations as his gifts often were quite odd and damaging to the town.

The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall whose Path Croissant Part 七つ(nanatsu)

七つ(nanatsu)

Hannah awoke to an empty hotel room.  From the window the Eiffel tower stood regally.  All the flowers in bloom around the window framed it beautifully.  She searched the adjoining rooms for Jeni and found a hastily (read: serial killer-esque) note that said:

COFFEE PASTRIES COME DOWNSTAIRS, PS THEY INSIST ON YOU WEARING PANTS  

-J

Hannah got dressed and found Jeni sitting at a table with a cup of coffee and a three tiered tray of pastries. Jeni saw her and nodded.  Jeni was wearing a robe and a turban.  Hannah cocked her head sighed and sat down.

“I thought they insisted on pants?” Hannah asked selecting a pastry from the tray.

Jeni flashed that she was wearing sequined hot pants. “Omelet's should be a french thing right?”

“Yes” Hannah said stuffing a choux in her mouth.

“Yea, well don’t order one, Frenchy McFrench gave me a lecture about ordering eggs for breakfast” Jeni said nodding toward Pierre.

“Oh good, you all are off to a good morning again.” Hannah said selecting her next edible. “I was hoping getting some sleep would help”

Jeni made a face and rustled the newspaper she was holding.  Then she lifted it and started reading.  The waiter came by and offered Hannah a drink, she ordered a tea and waited for Jeni to lower the paper again.

“I know your French isn’t that good, who are you faking.” Hannah asked as she ripped the corner off a croissant.

Jeni folded the paper then laid it in front of Hannah pointing at the headline.  She then took out her notebook and started to write.  Hannah’s eyes got big and she sighed.

“Someone tried to kill our client last night?” Hannah asked.

“Yes. Does that alarm you?” Jeni asked.

“Doesn’t it alarm you?” Hannah responded sassily taking the tea from the waiter with a slight smile.

Jeni bit the inside of her lip.  “I’m not convinced it was really an attempt at him.” She said slowly.  “I mean look at that picture, he’s blocking that void of a girlfriend.”

“So?”

Jeni turned to a page in her book and started to read aloud to Hannah.

Back during the turn of some century, there was a man.  He wandered the woods to look for food and came across a woman who was in a clearing sitting at a loom. She sang to the beat of the pedals as she wove a colorful tapestry.

Hannah interrupted. “Seriously where do you come across this bs? I swear you make it up as you go.”

Jeni made a face “His website, shush!” She continued in her dramatic way.

He fell instantly in love, but there was a problem, she was already married to an ogre and he

“Ogre? Really” Hannah interjected

“Yea, I think they mean in the big dude way, not in the mythical critter way.” Jeni said plucking a bit of croissant off.

“Do we consider humanoid-like figures as critters?” Hannah mumbled from around her pastry.

“I don’t know, I mean, I probably wouldn’t refer to a gorilla or chimpanzee as a critter, but I definitely would a monkey.” Jeni replied with a mouthful as well.  Pierre rolled his eyes with their lack of class and general American nonsense.

“I agree, I mean I feel like that's calling your uncle a critter.” Hannah took a sip of her tea.

“Although to be fair I would call a kid a critter, but are they really humanoid before puberty? I mean really kids are pretty monkey-like all hanging off of things and stuff” Jeni looked thoughtful as she shoved an inappropriately large chunk of croissant in her mouth eyeballing Pierre. They had a short stare down as she tried not to choke to death eating the pastry.

Hannah frowned.  “Omg you aren't wearing anything under that robe other than your spangled hot pants are you?”

Jeni adjusted her robe.  “They only said I had to have on pants. I feel like by virtue of wearing the robe technically I’m wearing a lot of clothing”

Hannah closed her eyes and took a deep breathe.  “We’re going to get arrested here aren't we?”

“It’s Europe, they have naked parks.”

“I’m not bailing you out”

“Please, you act like I’m some sort of criminal. I am just testing the water.”

Pierre coughed.  Jeni’s robe was slipping and he was obviously concerned that they were going to get kicked out of the restaurant if Jeni exposed herself.

Jeni rolled her eyes and adjusted the robe.  “Prude” She whispered at him.

ANY HOW, this chick in the woods was married to an ogre, general consensus probably just a grumpy dude, not a humanoid like creature. The ogre kept this woman chained to her loom so that she would make beautiful tapestries, he would then sell them collecting a room full of gold.

“God this story is dull” Jeni said.

Hannah found a particularly good pastry and started to attack it.

One day the man snuck up to the woman while the ogre was in town selling her tapestries.  He professed his undying love, the woman told him that he must kill the ogre.  Not being willing to murder any one (Is this not a grey area?  I mean really he was originally hunting) he went to the village witch.  She instantly saw the merit of convincing the ogre to leave the wench in the woods and join her in a venture in a nearby village, with her magic and his entrepreneurship skills they could make a fortune.  So she created a potion for the man, he had to pour it over the chains on the loom to release the wench in the woods.  The man returned to the woman poured the potion on the chain and the wench was released.  He took her hand and they ran away, but not before he cleaned out all of the gold from the room.  Meanwhile, the village witch was plying the ogre with love potions (booze) and reason.  He agreed he was tired of that wench in the woods any way. So they returned to the cabin in the woods to clear it of the gold and to tell the wench to get lost.  They discovered her already gone (no big loss apparently) and then they saw the ogre had been robbed blind.  So they conspired and plotted.  They then cursed the young couple, by sending them a box of objects, one which holds a powerful spell that would curse any offspring who fell in love. Then as soon as they had their third child, the wench died quietly and quickly, basically she wasn’t really all that important to any one, other than the fact that men wanted to use her for her looks and talent.  The man eventually married some hag from the village, who he never loved but she was good at mothering the children, one of which was a little girl who was exceptional at weaving and created beautiful cloth.  As they grew up the brothers took her cloth and started a business selling dresses to the upper class.  They had all that money that their father had stolen to start their business.  Soon all three had married for love.  That didn’t end well, one of the brothers was even murdered by a pirate in a pub.  The other two became widowed young with young children.  They both then married for money and power.  This went on from generation to generation.

Jeni shut her book and drank some of her coffee.  “See cursed” she pulled a face and shook her head.

“So, the murder attempt was expected” Hannah said still attacking her pastry.

“Well, if you follow the family history this stuff is pretty expected.  I think it’s funny though, they all comment about how the first husbands, or wives are super attractive, and the seconds are all “hags and ogres”.  Like seriously, maybe the problem is that they are super superficial.”

“So what’s on the agenda today.”

“Well, some of the objects given to the supposed originators of the curse are located in the Louvre.  So we need to go there.  Oh, by the way, I have an outfit for you to wear today.”

Hannah frowned.  “I’m terrified”

Jeni shrugged, “Don’t worry, it’s all part of the plan”

The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall whose paths Croissant Part sei

Jeni and Hannah sighed with relief after completing their respective meals.  Pierre sat sipping coffee reading a newspaper.

“Now he understands coffee” Jeni muttered rubbing her stomach.

“I didn’t realize how amazing bread and cheese was until we arrived here.” Hannah said.

“Right?  We’re eating all the food. I demand it.  I have a list. We should get madeleines or macaroons for dessert.” Jeni wiped her mouth with a cloth napkin spacing out.

Pierre raised an eyebrow certainly silently judging the two women for their gluttony, or perhaps also craving a dessert.

“Can we take a nap now?” Hannah asked yawning.

Jeni frowned. “Let’s go for a walk.  It will be dark soon and I want to get a feel for this city”

Hannah looked suspiciously at Jeni.  “You, want to walk?”

Jeni pulled out a map and pointed to their location.  There was a tiny star over the building Mr. Sangril had his fashion house in.  She pointed at the district they were in Marche Saint Pierre near  Montmartre.  “It looks like that pretty church the Basilique du Sacre Coeur is like two blocks away.  I need to stretch a little, and we can walk right over and check it out.  Apparently the best time to see it is early evening.”

“I think that sounds awesome, but before we go, I just want to make things very clear, you want to go to a church?  Willingly?  Like didn’t lightening strike you the last time you entered one?”

“No, I was mildly electrocuted by a deranged raccoon that had eaten through wiring, if that nutty monk hadn’t been feeding the raccoon however I doubt this would have ever come up. “ Jeni was looking intently at the map and drew a dot over the church. She looked up and nodded. Then she folded up the map and put it in a book and shoved both in her bag.  She smiled like a maniac at Hannah.

“What are you up to?” Hannah asked feeling more and more suspicious.  

“We need to go see a man about a horse” Jeni made a silly face.  Hannah silently started to pray that this case wouldn’t take too long to complete.

Jeni and Hannah stood at the base of a large hill.  Jeni looked puzzled up a long set of stairs.  Pierre rolled his eyes at the two women muttering things in French.

“Um, how many stairs are there?” Hannah asked.

Jeni pulled out her book and looked intently at a page.  She frowned. “270.  That doesn’t seem like a lot, right?  I mean an average stairwell has like 12 steps so that would be twenty two flights.”

“You had to look that up didn’t you”

“Ye of little faith”

“No, I’ve seen your accounts ledger, math is not your strong suit.” Hannah was mentally checking Jeni’s math.

“Come on it won’t take too long!” Jeni sounded way more enthusiastic than Hannah felt.  

The two climbed stair after stair.  After about ten flights Jeni stopped.

“Oh my god this is madness, it’s like exercise or something” she was panting and sweating buckets.

Hannah glared at her. “Let’s go on a little walk, the sun is going to set soon.  I should have been suspicious, the timing was just wrong.”

“Leave me to die” Jeni gasped between gasps. Pierre stoically stood waiting. “Dude!” Gasp. “What” gasp “the” gasp “hell” gasp.

“We need to work on our cardio” Hannah wasn’t panting any more.

“I’m sorry did you just suggest you wanted to kill me Miss Voodoo Donut Queen?” Jeni gasped then started coughing.

“You sound like a terminal lung cancer patient” Hannah laughed.

“Omg, they should warn people about this nonsense” Jeni gasped.

“Um, hello, you are a psychic” Hannah sassed.

“Shut your pretty face.” Jeni sighed.  Begrudgingly they started climbing stairs again.  Once at the top Jeni leaned against the rail and breathed heavily. “My thighs are on fire.  Thunder and lightening were not meant for active duty,  they like to snuggle way to much.”

“I’ve asked you to do Jillian MIchaels with me at least 45 times” Hannah gasped. “We could have thigh gaps by now”

Jeni gasped dramatically “No! Not only is that too much effort, but I don’t trust people whose thighs don’t touch. Seems like they have a secret”

“Yes it’s called exercise.” Hannah gasped.

“Probably, but I like bread cheese and wine way to much to take that crap seriously.” Jeni looked at Pierre who looked as though the exertion was overly ridicules for the women.  “Stop sassing me Pete!” Jeni’s voice rose “I’m allowed to pant, I usually don’t wander into nature”

Hannah rolled her eyes. “NAture really? It’s stairwell, besides aren’t you the fool who wandered the streets for days chasing after a werecat?”

“Yea, but there were coffee stops, and I had lots of excuses to stop.”

“Why did you want to come here again?”

“Did you know this is the highest point in Paris? Can’t see the Eiffel but it’s up high. We should do the tour”

“Why?”

“What better way to start our immersion than to go on a tour of things”

“How exactly are you paying for all this” Hannah was suddenly suspicious.

“NOw you ask?  Just keep all your receipts and look like we’re doing something important.”

After touring the Sacre Coeur Hannah was standing outside taking photos of the setting sun over Paris. Jeni rummaged through her bag, while Pierre looked on bored at this whole process,  Jeni had a handful of brochures and kept putting them in various parts of her book. Suddenly she looked up,

“Oh look it's Joan”

Hannah stopped taking photos and looked at Jeni. “You can't call Joan of Arc Joan like you are friends.”

“I bet we would have been.”

“Um, I’m not saying I’m hungry again or anything, but I could eat” Hannah said rubbing her stomach.

Jeni suddenly started to dive headfirst into her bag.  She wildly dug through it.  She muttered under her breath cursing the existence of too big purses. In her wild gesticulating she bumped into a man.

“Pardon” she said without looking up.  Suddenly she bumped so violently into him he fell against the horse's leg on the statue of Joan of Arc. The man hit his head against the leg.  He looked dazed. Jeni looked up horrified.  “Oh MY GOD I’m so sorry! I can’t even!”

The man smiled at Jeni then started talking in rapid French.  Without missing a beat Jeni said something flirtatious and he laughed. Then before Hannah could comprehend what was happening they were walking and Jeni was gesturing for Hannah to follow.  Pierre eyed the man suspiciously.  Jeni laughed and linked her arm with the stranger and they walked heads together giggling in their own world.  Hannah shook her head Pierre suddenly unleashed a wave of French at Hannah. Hannah shook her head indicating that she didn't understand.  

Suddenly they were standing outside a building light up with a giant windmill.  Jeni leaned back winking at Hannah and Pierre. The man held the door open inviting them all inside.  They next thing that they knew they were seated at a table for four inside the Moulin Rouge.  The man left to do something and Hannah leaned across the table.

“Dude? Really? Man about a horse?”

Jeni smiled.  “Did you know that the movie Moulin Rouge had a lot of aspects that are similar to the real Moulin Rouge?”

“Give me your book. I want to see what else you’ve seen.” Hannah said holding her hand out.

Jeni rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, be spontaneous, besides, we could have never afforded this show on our own”

“Book now.” Begrudgingly Jeni pulled a black note book out and handed it over.  Hannah flipped through the pages.  “Is this a fake book? It’s blank.  I know you better, you always write down your visions.”

“Freeballing” Jeni said dancing to the music.

“No that’s not true.  The book at the cafe it had words”

“Have a little faith in me, you know I won’t screw you over, shut up the guys coming back” Jeni whispered.

“You don’t know his name?” Hannah whispered furiously.

“It didn’t seem important, it was more important to get in here” Jeni said lighting up. “Wine! How thoughtful!”

The man passed glasses to each of them.  He then launched into a long conversation in French. After a few moments Jeni’s eyes gazed over. He and Pierre started talking joyously together.  Jeni leaned over to Hannah.  

“Good he’s distracted, if you look to your left” Jeni indicated to Hannah’s left with her eyes and a slight head tilt. “You’ll see our employer, Mr. Sangria with a very pretty woman”

“What?” Hannah turned her head while exclaiming loudly.  “How did you know?”

“Psychic”

Dinner passed Jeni had no intention of keeping an eye on Mr Sangril, instead she and Hannah enjoyed each of the courses of food and were enraptured by the gyrations of the beautiful dancers. Jeni partook in copious amounts of wine and champagne. Prior to the end of the show Pierre stood up said something and departed.  Jeni captivated by the show didn’t notice.

“Jeni, Pierre just left” Hannah whispered.

“OK” Jeni whispered back.

“Um what do we do?”

“Relax!”

“Do you even know where we are staying tonight?”

Jeni glared.

The show ended and Jeni stood.  Her new friend kissed her cheeks and took her arm leading her out of the theater.  In the lobby she spotted Mr. Sangril.  He came over immediately.  He and Jeni’s friend chatted then the man left kissing Jeni on each cheek and pressing a card in her hand.  

“You just met this man?” Mr Sangril asked.

“Well technically I accidentally assaulted him.” She said. Hannah nudged her. “Part of my process is finding the rhythm or culture of my location.  As I explained to my partner here, the inner connectedness of history, the convergence of all time it's vital to my process.”

Mr Sangril nodded his pretty companion joined and looked annoyed. Of course Jeni would have been annoyed too if she was as hungry as this skinny girl obviously was.

“My beautiful fiancé” Mr Sangril said. “Helena”

Jeni shook the woman’s hand then paused holding on.  She smiled a weird smile.  Hannah felt uncomfortable.  Jeni was getting a reading.  She tilted her head and made a face. Jeni released her hand and turned to Mr.Sangril.  “Her?”

Mr Sangril leaned forward “I’m sorry?”

Jeni covered. “No I’m sorry we are so tired, it’s been wonderful to see you, we will check in tomorrow” Jen shook his hand, once again she paused made a face and then pulled away.  She tucked her hand under her arm. “Anyhow, Pierre’s waiting” She used her other hand to drag Hannah out of the lobby to the outside.  

Outside Pierre waited with the car.   Jeni pushed Hannah in still keeping her arm tucked into the car.  Hannah turned in time to see Jeni slide in.  She looked annoyed, maybe pensive, but not happy.

“What just happened?”

“Dude, he might actually be cursed.”

The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall Who's Paths Croissant Part Cinque

The man sipped his coffee and nodded to Jeni. “I see you arrived, was it a good flight?”

Jeni flopped into an overstuffed arm chair. She crossed her legs and looked around.  “Let’s not waste time with formalities Mr. Sangril.  Tell me your story.  Hannah sit.” Jeni said pointing to the other empty chair.  

The man had a slight tremor in his hand holding his coffee.  He nodded and sipped his coffee. “I haven’t slept in days.” He started.  Jeni’s eyes narrowed.  “Every time I do I think about all the stories my father and grandfather told me” he paused sipping more coffee.

“Take a deep breathe, just tell us how all this started” Hannah said.

He looked Hannah over.  His eyes cleared and he smiled slightly at her. “It's a long story from the beginning, you have the most beautiful legs”

“Hellooo!” Jeni said eyebrow raised disapprovingly.  “How about we just start with when your particular problem started”

He sat behind his desk.  “You see. It’s rather odd, my family.  We’ve looked into options before, but they’ve all been charlatans, liars and thieves, you have such a high success rate.”

Jeni tilted her head, quickly losing interest.  She was used to being compared to the charlatans that used their gifts to make a quick buck and move on.  Hannah watched her friend.  Fairly certain she was thinking she wished she hadn’t shared that croissant. Hannah’s stomach rumbled.  Her part of the croissant certainly wasn’t filling.  

“I understand that you’ve solved nearly unsolvable cases, your psychic abilities must be real” He said almost pleadingly. Jeni turned and smiled at Hannah victoriously, with an ‘I told you so’ glance. Sangril frowned at Jeni. “I’ve also been warned your methods are.....controversial at best”

Jeni leaned back.  Her fingertips touching in a contemplative look.  “Sir, I believe in the interconnectedness of all things in life.  You have to understand, especially here where history is overlaid, often psychic interferences can take me on what seems like a non connected tangent, however, cosmically it's most likely important and can help me solve even the most stubborn of cases.  For instance, the girl downstairs, she’s been starving herself, in the hopes you see her as a model.  But she will never be a model because while she’s pretty, you don’t see that she has that thing that makes people stop in their steps.  She will always be just a pretty assistant.”

He gave her an odd look. “Yes, that is correct”

“Now that we have all that cleared up, what’s the scoop” Jeni said lowering her hands to her knees in what looked vaguely like a yoga position.  Hannah rolled her eyes, she remembered the one yoga class she had drug Jeni to where Jeni sweated like a prostitute in a place of religious significance and swore up and down that her boobs were literally growing just for the purpose of strangling her in downward dog.

He took a deep breath and then sat behind his desk drinking slowly. “Recently I met a woman. The most amazing woman, beautiful, intelligent, and strong.  But the closer we get to our wedding date the more things are going wrong.  For instance, just this morning as we were preparing to leave the tire blew out in the driver's car.  Last night as I left her at her flat a strange man bumped into me on the street he smelled of garlic and cloves.” Jeni made a face.  Hannah’s stomach growled.  “He was so odd, it was like he was out of the right time.”

Jeni nodded.  “So basically you are cursed” she said emotionlessly.

He looked at her. “Yes” he whispered.

“I’m betting it’s a centuries old kind of thing too right?” Jeni said.

“Yes” He said again.  

“Alright.  Well we’ll get to the bottom of this.” Jeni stood.  

Mr. Sangril looked surprised. “But I haven’t told you everything yet”

“I know enough to get started.  Now, take us to food.” Jeni looked like she was done with all nonsense and that the hanger was real.

“Yes, well your driver, Pierre” He started

Jeni stomped over, “Yo! Pete, prendre la cuisine!” Pierre looked annoyed at Jeni.  Jeni looked annoyed at Pierre.

Mr Sangril gave Pierre some instructions in French and Pierre nodded.

“OH by the way, I assume you got my email with all the things I will require during this investigation”

“Ah, yes your rider, all those things will be taken care of.” He said. “Your fitting will be at 4 pm”

“Good, good. Come Hannah, I want something with cheese” Jeni nodded to Pierre who rolled his eyes. “Pete prendre au fromage!”

Pierre opened the door and Jeni strutted out wobbling on her heels.  They walked to the car and as soon as Jeni was inside she whipped the heels off shoving them in her Mary Poppins style magical bag and put on a pair of flip flops.

“What that hell dude, what is he talking about ‘fitting’?” Hannah said.

“Hold on,” Jeni leaned over the front seat and started to speak in broken French about the importance of really good cheese and wine to Pierre who stoically ignored her.  “Good talk Pete” she sat back.  “Any how, we’re going to be under cover models.  We need to infiltrate every aspect of this guys life.”

“Why so we can first hand be one of the casualties of his curse?” Hannah said irritated thinking Pierre had better have a good cheesery in mind.

“Dude, curses aren't real” Jeni said.

“Neither are psychics” Hannah retorted.

The Ribbiting Tale of Fit and Tall Whose Paths Croissant Quatro

The car stopped. “Curse?” Hannah said.

Jeni threw the door to the car open before the driver had even put the car in park.  She flew out of seat with the speed of a cheetah and she ran past bystanders like she was running from an assailant.  She disappeared into a cafe.  

The driver got out and started shaking his fist at her retreating figure while yelling something in French.  He opened Hannah’s door with a scowl and said something.  Hannah looked apologetic and started in the same direction as Jeni. The driver gestured across the street to a different building.  Hannah looked uncomfortable

“No no, she’s the psychic one, I have no idea what’s going on” Hannah explained knowing her efforts were completely futile.

The driver slammed the door to the car shut and stalked after Jeni who suddenly reemerged from the cafe with a cup of coffee and a croissant.  She nodded at the driver and sipped her coffee.  He walked up to her and started to converse loudly in French.  Jeni nodded took a bite of her croissant and then sipped her coffee. He started to point across the street.  She shook her head and sat at a little table.

“Are you trying to determine if he has a licence to kill us?” Hannah said coming up.

The driver gesticulated more wildly toward the building across the street. He was getting really red in the face.  

“Shush, the coffee is still magical until I can drink it without it burning my mouth. Eat some croissant” Jeni said offering up the croissant.

Hannah sighed gave the driver an apologetic look again and sat down while taking a bite of the croissant.  At this point the driver looked like he might have a massive coronary the color of red was so extraordinary.

“He’s going to die young” Hannah said.

“That’s what happens when you deprive people of coffee” Jeni muttered.  Then suddenly she took a big gulp of her coffee.  The look on her face indicated it was still hotter than she could really tolerate but wasn’t going back.

“Oh my god this croissant is amazing”

“That’s because we haven’t eaten in 17 hours.  I’m fat, I should not be deprived of real food for 17 hours.” Jeni said taking another large drink completely drowning out the driver who looked like he was about to explode.  She was having some sort of private holy moment with her coffee.

Finally giving up the driver yelled one last thing and sat down in a huff with his arms across his chest. Hannah inspected and ate at the croissant.

“So you said something about a curse” Hannah said.

Jeni shook her head still having her moment of enlightenment.

People passed on the streets with lively conversations.  From inside the cafe music played softly.  A waiter came to the table but the driver shooed him away.  Jeni raised an eyebrow at him then glared.  Finally, she finished her coffee and set the cup down sadly.

The driver stood immediately.  Jeni gave him the death glare. He started to get red in the face as they stared at each other.  Hannah uncomfortable stood up.

“Stop antagonizing him before he finds a reason to sell us into the sex trade” Hannah said.

“Eh, they want young hot things, you would do well, they would return me” Jeni said slowly standing and stretching. She made a production out of returning her cup to the cafe.  When she emerged she smiled at Hannah.  She had reapplied her lipstick and replaced her thick glasses with heavy winged eyeliner.

“Oh my god.” Hannah said.  

Jeni’s smile widened.  “OH I forgot to mention, our cover is that we are models.  Fit and Tall.  So collect yourself and strut your ass off as we walk in there.”

“Wait what do you mean fit and tall?”

Jeni put on a huge pair of sunglasses and started strutting across the street the driver wildly trying to keep cars from hitting her Hannah followed noting that Jeni in heels was a terrifying prospect and that she hoped to god this wasn’t going to happen every day in Paris.

Jeni waited outside the door of the building across the street. She waited expectantly for the driver to open the door.  He glared at her.  She lowered her glasses and glared over the top.  He opened the door and she walked in with purpose. Hannah followed, she could hear the driver muttering things under his breath.  

Once inside Jeni whipped her sunglasses off dramatically.  Hannah stood a little behind her, eyes adjusting to the dimmer room. Music pumped loudly and a skinny short woman ran up to them.

“Non! Non!” she shouted over the music.

“Oui!” Jeni shouted back.

“Non!” The woman shouted then a loud tirade accompanied her pleading no.

The driver suddenly started to talk. The woman frowned then looked skeptically at Jeni and Hannah.  The former suddenly striking what appeared to be her interpretation of a model’s pose based on what the skinny mannequins at the malls looked like. Hannah looked at her exasperated.

“Oh my god what is wrong with you” Hannah yelled.

The woman frowned again.  “You are the Americans?  No?” she asked.

“Oui!” Jeni shouted.

“Fit and Tall?”

“Oui!” Jeni shouted again.  

The woman sized Jeni and Hannah up.  “You must be Fit!” She said to Hannah.

Jeni pushed in, “How dare you assume that she’s Fit!  It’s quite obvious she’s Tall!”

“You are taller!” The woman shouted back.

“She had the name before we became models”

“Tu es mannequin?” The woman shouted.

“Did she just ask if you were a mannequin?” Hannah asked.

Jeni shook her head at Hannah while yelling, “Oui! Je suis un mannequin!”

The girl frowned again.  

Jeni frowned.  “S’il vous plait prende me a Mr. Sangril!”

The girl scowled.  Jeni suddenly struck a pose and sucked in her cheeks. A tall garishly dressed man walked through the door.

He spoke with the girl for a moment frowned then laughed.  “Oui, Oui, these are the American models!” He said.

The girl gave him a disbelieving look.  He waved Jeni and Hannah on.  Jeni waited while Hannah and the driver moved forward.  He suddenly stopped and looked at Jeni.  She was staring down the girl. Both had looks of disgust on their faces but were not willing to be the first to blink. Jeni suddenly stuck her tongue out at the girl who looked horrified.  Then Jeni strutted away.

“What is wrong with you today?” Hannah asked. “Stop starting things with every person you meet.”

“I dunno,” Jeni said.  “I dig this guy with his fancy overcoat. Maybe he and I will become besties and solve crimes together psychically” she made a face at Hannah.

Hannah laughed.

They walked up a flight of stairs to an office where a man was yelling at several people who were holding papers, swatches of fabric and other items including a cup of coffee.  He waved them off grabbing the coffee from the nervous cadre of assistants.

The driver waited by the door as the assistants ran out.  Jeni stood importantly in front of the desk. The garishly dressed man ran out with the assistants shutting the door.