"K-state open after snowstorm. Maitenence workers laugh as students break their asses on the snow" Article as follows: Sunday night's snow surprised some students as they awoke Monday morning. A well placed alert from K-state reminded them that gone are snow days and welcome to adult life. This gentle snow that looks lovely, (if you can ignore the fact Christmas was two months ago) and brings about mental images of a wintery wonderland, nights in front of a fire and hot cocoa after a rousing snowball fight (girls vs boys, brothers vs sisters, bros vs hoes......etc) brings about only the most positive of thoughts when being viewed remotely. Then it happens. You actually have to go out into it. What? Snow? I mastered that stuff when I was like eight, I got this. Walking in the snow, walking in the snow. ooooooooh hell that was a slick patch. Walking less confidently in the snow, still think I'm the bomb.........Argh! No that wasn't a pirate mating call that was the confused sound of a person trying to walk when their boots fail them fill up with unsolicited ice and they suddenly see their whole life flash before their eyes. The glee and amazement that person feels when they don't bust their butt is amazing they start walking again. Now if you are like me, during this walk to your car you are thinking to your self, man this sure seems like a longer walk in the snow, to bad I don't have remote start on my car, by the time I would have gotten there the snow would have melted from the heat and I wouldn't have had to scrap because I, A: Do not currently have a husband who can be ordered to scrap my car for me, B: A p-Whipped boyfriend I can manipulate into doing it for me or C: a prospective guy on the line who is trying to impress me with how wonderful he is before he lets loose the first dating taboo (yes, I'm talking about farting infront of your girl the first time.). So finally you arrive at your car, HAHA snow I have bestest you! I am still as agile as an eight year old, I have survived your perilous matri of death, I can totally scrap my car and have it drive. Now, no matter what people say, a ford focus is not the best car for winter. Not here no way no how. Because Kansas is a great state, they tell you "ah ya, a focus, great car great gas mileage, front wheel drive perfect for winter. " What they neglect to tell you is that those city planning bastards all got together and made a pact to have each stop sign either at the base of a hill or at the bottom of one. So you A: fly through a stop sign like it didn't exist as you hit a patch of ice or B: Have 20 cars in line behind you honking because your little beast can't start on a sheet of ice and make it up the hill. But I digress. The real story is once you make it to the campus. See you made it. You are amazing you are like the eight year old, only now you can drive and stay out past dark. You walk confidently through the union from the parking garage. Out to Bosco plaza where it looks like maitenence understood, it's icy out yo! They cleared the hell out of that place. They put ice melt down! Thank *___* (insert diety of choice here) because that place is slick in rain. Then you start walking toward Hale. There's a matience dude in one of those bitchin Rhino things, (my dad wants one to lord over the neighborhood with.) Hello Friend, you think, Thank you for your fine job in making these pathways safe so I can tromp in my trendy......Oh sweet mother of *__*(insert deity of choice here) (now is also an excellent time to pull out your least classy curse words and apply them, I find combinations of at least three is good.) And you land on your ass, but don't let that stop you there, you suddenly remeber you have your back pack on with your expensive cell phone and laptop that you frugily saved for, and you are now on your back turtling most unattractivly. Then you look over and safe and sound in 45 layers of outdoors wear a maintainence worker is laughing sitting in his Rhino. Only our student body is nothing but polite so of course as they are cracking up and offering to help you they also land on their asses.
Thank you winter. We appreciate this morning of levity.
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